What leads couples to divorce typically varies by circumstances. Each marriage is different and any number of unresolved situations may perpetuate a breakdown in a relationship. A columnist who writes often about the topic recently published a list of issues commonly named as contributing factors by spouses who head to divorce court.
Apparently, many spouses are guilty of “withholding.” There seems to be various versions of this behavior; each a bit different, yet all equally dangerous to the integrity of a marriage. Supposedly, recognizing these issues and avoiding them like the plague may help couples stay married and continue in life’s journey in the joyful, loving way which they intended when they entered into their unions.
High on the list of possible red flag issues seems to be a failure to communicate. Withholding speech, or, giving someone the silent treatment is akin to telling that person they are not worthy of your conversation. Also, some spouses withhold information that their significant others have a right to know regarding finances or personal matters.
Denying a spouse physical intimacy also ranked high on the “whatever-you-do-do-not-do-this” list. In all too many marriages, one spouse tries to use this type of withholding as a punishment against the other. It can backfire, big time, though, because such withholding often tempts a spouse toward infidelity.
Lack of affection is reportedly a sure-fired way to cause a marriage to deteriorate. Those who have had affairs often say it was the affection (more than physical intimacy) they were looking for in an illicit relationship. Spouses who want to keep the happy wheels turning in marriage are wise to remember the value and importance of all the little things they did for each other when they first met. Every spouse enjoys a compliment, a hug, a smile and a loving word on a regular basis. As the years wane, it is easy to neglect such acts of kindness, falling into a rut that is difficult to escape.
All the red flag issues have a common thread; that being, each involves one spouse rejecting or neglecting the other. Marriage is seldom easy, though it is quite possible to avoid becoming one of the modern day statistics that suggest all such unions are doomed to failure.
Not so. Many couples stay together through good and bad times, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do they part. Their secret might not be so secret after all. Perhaps, married couples who stay married are dedicated to being on the lookout for red flag withholding issues that chip away at the foundation of a relationship, until one day, even the smallest issues seem to be impossible to resolve.
Faith, devotion, and unified commitment to endure and avoid the pitfalls may carry a married couple into their Golden Years; but, even when trials arise (and, they will, in every marriage) couples may forge the rough waters together, coming out stronger and closer to one another on the other side.
Judy Dudich resides in the beautiful woods of Pennsylvania, where 24 acres of land and a home-office provide the perfect setting for her children’s home-education and her own homesteading and business ventures. Life is full of blessings (and challenges!) for Judy, as a wife, mother of 10 and Grammy to six. She is a published author, whose book, “I Surrender/A Study Guide for Women” continues to encourage and support others in Christian family lifestyles throughout the world. Judy has also previously worked in the online speaking circuit. Her passion for permaculture, re-purposing, foraging and organic gardening fills her days with learning and adventure that she loves to share.