Couples who are deciding whether to continue in their relationship may point to many factors that indicate their issues are too big to overcome. However, couples may use these issues as a scapegoat to avoid the hidden problems that may be wrecking havoc in a marriage. There are actually several recurring problems that couples may not even recognize as they have been too busy letting less significant matters come between them.
One of the most common problems that couples may not recognize is their inability to handle conflicts successfully. They may have fallen into a pattern of criticizing and fault finding rather than effectively communicating the reasons behind what is causing the conflict. One spouse or the other may feel that his or her needs are getting overlooked or dismissed. This leads to resentment and hostility that comes out in arguments over seemingly small things such as taking out the trash or who chooses the evening’s entertainment.
Another major problem in a marriage is allowing children or other obligations to take precedence over couple time. If there are children involved, partners may find themselves pouring all of their time and energy into ensuring their children have all they want in life. While this is an honorable goal, placing children in the center of a marriage often snuffs out the closeness between the married couple. This leads to feelings of neglect and loneliness that make it harder to relate to the other spouse. This may help explain why there has been such an increase in ‘gray divorces’. Once the children leave home, couples find themselves living as virtual strangers.
Couples who are engaged in power struggles over money or control in the home may fall into emotionally and verbally abusive patterns of behavior. This leads to resentment and animosity that may be difficult to overcome. Couples who are struggling to overcome these problems may find it difficult to operate as a team. This leads to struggles over a myriad of household responsibilities. All of these problems may result in couples who could experience a fulfilling and satisfying marriage looking for a divorce lawyer instead.
All of these problems are fairly common in any long-term relationship. Everyone desires to feel wanted, loved and cared for and they often seek to fulfill these needs in the only way they can – through controlling the responses of the other party. There are healthy ways of resolving problems in a marriage. The first step is to make time to sit down and openly discuss one’s feelings and viewpoints. It is essential to frame the discussion in neutral tones without leveling accusations or looking for ways to alleviate fault. Marriages are the foundation of families and they are worth the effort to ensure that they are as healthy as possible.
The decision to marry is seldom entered into without serious reflection. When that marriage is in the beginning stages of decline, it is worth the time and effort to renew that pledge of commitment.
Writer Bio: Angela Mose
I am a mom of 7 who has successfully homeschooled for 20 years. I was married for more than 25 years and have recently started my life over. I have a passion for writing and music and when the two can be combined, it is utopia. A Maryland native, I am planning to relocate north in the near future and will continue to strive to learn and experience new things on a regular basis. I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home while exploring new ways to increase my knowledge and skills and help improve the lives of those around me.