Hello, Stuff. I wanted to let you know that you’ve been great. When you were Paddle Ball and we paddled for hours while watching TV until the ball detached and we broke Mom’s vase? That was fun. When you were the big unicorn I won at the carnival after spending fifty bucks–that was awesome! We sure got lots of cuddle time in before you got super dirty and kinda floppy. Oh, Stuff…remember when you were all those fast food toys that were not broken? That was the best! But I think it’s time we talked. It’s time we parted ways and these are the reasons why:
You’re taking up too much space. I mean, I need my tubs and drawers to actually contain things that I’ll use in the future and aren’t broken. And if I haven’t touched you in a while or played with you, that’s letting me know that you’re just taking up space. I have to get rid of the old to make room for the new. I’m sorry I called you ‘old’.
I don’t really need you. It hurts for me to say that out loud. I guess when I saw you in the window I just thought, “I NEED you and this is going to last FOREVER!” but then after we spent a little time together, I realized we were done. You don’t need me and I don’t need you…we should just quit dragging this out, you know?
I’m tired of having to sort you and your friends. Stuff, you’re getting out of hand. First you were this small pile of goods that I knew would enrich my life. But now you’ve grown into this horrible pile of junk. You invited your friends and now you all have taken up way too much space. I can’t see through you to the other side of the room. I can’t deal with this any more. The hours I spend trying to sort you all out has been turning into a back-breaking chore. You hurt me sometimes, Stuff.
Your life can be better. If you’re recyclable, you can be made into something totally new! You’d love a make-over, right? And if I donate you to another home, someone else might love you. That’s better than being here with me when I don’t appreciate you, right?
Stuff, I want to make this break up as easy as possible. You were a lot of fun while it lasted, but I’m changing–I need my space. Literally– I need my space. I’m changing how I do things: instead of filling up my home with you, I’m getting rid of what I don’t need, use, or want any more. This kind of change benefits everyone. I’ll always remember you fondly, but I know you’ll be happier somewhere else–some place where you’re not gathering dust or being stepped on. Goodbye, Stuff. Goodbye…