18 Rules for My Kids

Did anyone else miss getting their copy of Rules for Life 101? We must have been collectively absent the day they were passed out. Honestly, I’m just winging it most of the time, which I’m pretty sure most of us are. But just because I don’t know what I’m doing doesn’t mean I can’t lay out a few rules for my kids.

I’d like to think these are practical rules. Straightforward and easy to follow, so my kids better get on these. Fingers crossed, at least.

18 Rules for My Kids

1. Never download an app with fewer than three stars.

2. Companies try to make you feel bad about yourself to sell products. Don’t buy into that nonsense. (See what I did there?)

3. An older man will not try to date you because you are “so mature.” No one his own age wanted him, and he is a creep.

4. Always drink your water. Always.

5. Don’t worry about being popular in school. Peaking in high school isn’t an accomplishment.

6. Be polite when you need to, but not to excess. You don’t owe anyone your attention.

7. Say “no.” Practice saying it and respecting your own boundaries.

8. Always be nice to service workers. Not because you’re worried they’ll mess with your stuff, but because it’s the right thing to do.

9. Like whatever you like, and be unashamedly proud.

10. Read and read and then read some more.

11. It’s hard to save money, so start early. Stash away at least $1,000 and pretend like it doesn’t exist.

12. Decorate for whatever holiday as early as you want. If someone is annoyed by this, it’s their own problem.

13. Eat at home more than you eat out. It’s healthier, cheaper, and you can eat on leftovers for days.

14. You don’t need an iced coffee every time you leave the house. You do need to bring me one back, though.

15. Buy used technology or the previous year’s model. It will work just as well for a lot less for it.

16. Don’t exercise out of guilt. Do it because you love and celebrate what your body can do. Also it’s healthy, so just do it.

17. Be empathetic. Your life experience is not anyone else’s.

18. Drink a glass of water in between every alcoholic beverage. This rule is strictly for when you’re 21.

Rules Are Meant to Be Broken

Do kids always listen to their parents? That’s a hard no. But that doesn’t stop us from trying to force a bit of good information into their heads.

There are certainly no hard and fast rules for life, but I think these 18 rules for my kids are pretty damn close. Now it’s just a waiting game to see if they’ll follow them. And if they don’t, they’ll get the life experience they need to understand why their mom’s rules are so incredibly smart.

Published by Hot Mess Press