Fashion Trends I Will Regret When I’m 80

My school photo circa 1993 is awful. Back then, I was trying really hard to achieve the curled, backcombed, hairsprayed bangs that most girls sported in the late eighties and early nineties. I only succeeded in making it look like there was a giant piece of poo on top of my head. I’m not joking. I have no idea why I thought that was a good look, because I’m pretty sure that even back then, it wasn’t. But making fun of my terrible “fashion sense” when I was an awkward teenager is way too easy. I have often looked at today’s trends and wondered which ones in 20 years, or even only 10, we will regret. I have predictions, friends. Strap on your stirrup pants and let’s talk about fashion trends I will regret when I’m 80.

REALLY bold eyebrows

So, this isn’t clothing, of course, but it’s an extremely popular makeup trend at the moment. One that I think we will all shudder over in another generation. I still remember the first time I saw a young woman wearing her brows that way. It was a young coworker who was very pretty and had a talent for doing her own makeup. But her dark, precisely-defined, thick eyebrows were…woah. I guess I can’t judge her that harshly, because I fill mine in now. It’s gotten to the point that I feel like I have absolutely no facial features without doing it. But I’m betting I will see photos of myself in a few years and be filled with regrets.

Jeans with heels

Okay, to start off, I love this trend, but my mother HATES it. I have a feeling she might be on to something. Even though I love the way that it looks, when you really think about it, isn’t it kind of weird? Fancy footwear paired with clothing that was originally designed for blue-collar workers. Then again, maybe that’s the point. We ladies have reclaimed denim that was originally designed for working men, and put one of the most feminine items of clothing with it. It’s our way of STICKIN’ IT TO THE MAN! Yeah! *pumps fist* But really, I am predicting me cringing when I look back on old photos, once again.

Jeans with EVERYTHING

This is a trend I try very hard to buck even right now, but have you noticed that women wear jeans for…EVERY occasion? Granted, I know that jeans go with everything, are comfortable when they’re broken in, and are fairly durable. I’m just saying that it’s okay to give them a rest every so often and put on some slacks. Maybe get some in different colors than just your standard blue washes. TRY A SKIRT SOMETIME, OKAY, BRENDA?

Really long, blousy tops

Though I love them now, I’m thinking in a few years, we’ll all wonder what in the world we were thinking by wearing REALLY long and flowing tops. Though shirts like this are SO much more forgiving than the tight-fitted tees we all wore when our stomachs didn’t pooch out at the mere mention of a carb, I think we can aim for a happy medium. The REALLY flowing ones just aren’t that flattering. But for now, I’m still wearing them and hiding the extra taco I had at lunch…okay, the extra three tacos…

None of this is meant to shame anyone for how they dress. If your clothing is appropriate to the situation and doesn’t have some kind of hate speech on it, I think you’re generally fine. Though I might regret a few of today’s fashion trends when I hit 80, I think most of my wardrobe will either stand the test of time, or at least look quaint. However, I might still delete some of my bold-eyebrow photos in a few years…

Published by Hot Mess Press