In my previous article, I described how talking, crying, and self-help books led me to the path I would need to take to heal from past heartaches. The thing is, I’m slow. I’m a slow–although very thorough– processor. It took me years to process the pain of a variety of disappointments… I had to go through quite a few Bible passages, self-help books, and tissues to dump a lot of my anger and resentment. But when the anger and resentment were gone, the void they left was filled by a different kind of heartache–a constant melancholy that led me to bouts of varying degrees of depression.
I alluded to my “devastating lack of self-worth”, but I’ll explain it a little more in-depth. I grew up in a household where I was not allowed to have a voice–almost literally. We were not allowed to speak unless spoken to, we were not allowed to leave our rooms without asking for permission, and were were not allowed to eat food without asking first–and that’s just a few examples. This may be hard for you to understand if you grew up in a happier household. However, for over 10 years I grew up with a controlling step-mother and an apathetic father. When I entered the world as my own adult, I made terrible–even dangerous– decisions that could have led to lifelong repercussions. I am ever-thankful to God the Father for keeping me safe and making me grow up quickly so that I would not pattern my life with my own children after what I grew up with. As my early adulthood years wore on, I realized I had a knack for befriending people that would hurt me…friends that would disappoint, a divorce, and always the pain of not having involved parents. I realized that the root of most of my pain was my parents. This may not sound fair to you, but it is an honest feeling for me.
I tried hard over the years to forgive my parents: my birth-mother for not being present in our lives at all, my ex-stepmother for being so malicious, and my father for being neglectful and apathetic.
But saying I forgave them didn’t feel like I was actually letting go. And something in me says that being able to truly let go will mean that I have really and truly and honestly forgiven them.
So here I am in my early 40s, still trying to figure out that final key of forgiveness. I have cried, talked, prayed, and read myself to some healing but I don’t want to feel like I’ve only put a band-aid over the problem. I want to have a barely-visible scar on my heart that will let me know I have completely recovered. How do I do that? First, EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique. You may balk when you see this, but I challenge you to try it and see how you feel afterwards. If you believe in meridian lines, blocked energies, and chakras, EFT could be really beneficial for you. My absolute favorite EFT specialist is found for free right on YouTube. His name is Brad Yates and he has a vid for every emotional ailment you may need to clear. As I type this, I realize I want to make this a part of my morning routine.
Finally, the book that I feel will finally bless me with the release that I crave from past hurts: Louise Hays’ You Can Heal Your Life. Louise Hays suggests reading the book twice: first, to get a feel for the book in it’s entirety, and second, to really delve into the exercises that will open the channels of healing. I am in the midst of reading the book through for the second time. As I complete each chapter, I know I’m one step closer to full emotional release from my past.
CJ Heath is grateful to you, Reader. You are pushing her to complete the things that she starts, like finishing Louise Hays’ book for the second time. You’re also allowing her to get back to things she didn’t realized she missed, like EFT. She hopes that if you can relate to any of this, that you will find permanent healing as well.