Mom’s Viral Disney Rant as Hilarious as It Is Horrifying

Disney Parks are the places where magic and wonder spark with every step. Reality stops at the gates, and what’s beyond fulfills the dreams and fantasies of everyone from the smallest children to the oldest fans. That is, unless you’re the mom of a 3 year old and just kinda angry at, I don’t know, everything. This mom’s viral Disney rant is one wild ride, just not one that I would stand in line for.

So what’s this mom’s problem? In a Facebook post tweeted by user @JenKatWrites, this mom takes aim childless couples and adults who show up to Disney World. And for what particularly heinous offense is she calling them out for? Having the audacity to show up at Disney without any offspring in tow. How dare they.

Disney, home of useless crap.

According to her, “these IMMATURE millennials THROW AWAY THEIR MONEY ON USELESS CRAP!!!!!”. Oh man. I actually really love rants about millennials because I am a millennial. They usually give me a good chuckle while I sit back, sip my kombucha in my favorite pair of $80 leggings, and plot the downfall of the next industry. Just kidding, kombucha is gross and I’m too broke to afford fancy leggings. Stupid mortgage.

But in this case, I have to agree with her on one single, solitary point. Disney World kinda is useless crap. For everyone.

Visiting Disney World, Disneyland, Universal Studios, or any type of amusement park isn’t a necessity. Sure, if you have enough disposable income to go to Disney then you’re going to get some good memories out of the experience. But you can make good memories at the public park down the road. Or for a few bucks at the city pool.

Since her 3 year old probably won’t even remember this experience but those crazy millennials will, if anyone in this scenario is throwing away money on useless crap, it’s her. Sorry not sorry.

There were LINES. How disrespectful.

Oh, adults also suck because there was a line at the pretzel stand. A line. The audacity, the nerve of the woman who was “in some very SLUTTY shorts was buying a Mickey Pretzel and Aiden wanted one but the line was very long so I said later and it broke his poor little heart and he cried I WANTED TO TAKE THAT F*CKING PRETZEL FROM THAT TRAMP LIKE THANKS B*TCH YOU MADE MY SON CRY!!!”

…OK? Girl, it’s Disney. Here are some defining features of Disney World:

  • Long lines
  • Hot, humid weather
  • Crying 3 year olds
  • Even longer lines

Dads, don’t even try to get in on this.

Her rant goes on to call for a ban on guests without children. But immediately after that she insists “Mothers with children should be allowed to skip ALL THE LINE!!!!!” All the line. Just one. Which will probably get pretty confusing once there are no childless visitors there? And I guess dads can just skip right out of this merry picture.

Maybe we’re misreading her, though. I expect that her points would come across more clearly if she used punctuation other than five exclamation points in a row. Can I offer you a period? Comma? Lower case letter? Anything? Perhaps a lesson on how to make a coherent point would be most appropriate.

What are these childless baby makers thinking?

But the best, most deliciously absurd part of this rant comes at the very end. “YOU HAVE NO F*CKING IDEA WHAT ITS [sic] LIKE TO HAVE TO STAND IN LINE FOR 3 HOURS WITH A CRANKY TIRED EXHAUSTED TODDLER!!!!!…I f*cking hate childless women with a BURNING PASSION!!!!”

Alright, let’s just break down something important about this hateful tirade:

  1. Women don’t need to have children. End of story, no explanation needed.
  2. Some women want children, but can’t have them.
  3. Some have lost children.
  4. And a million other reasons that are literally none of anyone else’s business.

Honestly, she sounds like she just endured a pretty average Disney World vacation. It was probably hot, the lines stretched halfway across the park, and she was dealing with a smaller, crankier version of herself. But while her 3 year old just whined and cried, she got on the internet to rage against 1) millennials, 2) millennial women, 3) millennial women wearing comfortable shorts, and 4) childless women.

No criticism of men, so I’m guessing she may be feeling just a teeny bit jealous of the childless women who were enjoying their visit instead of desperately bribing a preschooler to please just smile for one picture. Come on, it’s for grandma.

Look, I’ve only been to Disney World once, and that was because my wonderfully generous in-laws paid for our tickets. We had a 3 and 1 year old in tow, and I get it. It’s hectic and hot and crazy and oh great, now it’s raining. Again. But none of that ruined anything about that magical visit for our family. And if what was in that mom’s viral Disney rant managed to ruin her experience, I don’t think anything could have made her happy.

Published by Hot Mess Press