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Parenting humor that will make you cry laugh

Good morning (afternoon, evening, night)! Did you come to Hot Mess Press in need of some good parenting humor today? This one’s for moms or dads who need a good cry laugh.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh at life, so you don’t cry, but if you cry laugh, that’s good, not bad. Know what I mean? We’ve all had parenting moments that were embarrassing, challenging or even, disastrous, right? Each of our experiences is unique; yet, there is common ground among us that helps us all relate to one another.

Moms, here’s one you’ll get, for sure

I’ve raised 10 kids. Last time I checked, babies don’t sleep, at least, not when you want them to. Husbands, on the other hand — now, they know how to sleep. That’s why, when someone says, “I hope you sleep like a baby tonight,” you should say, “I don’t wanna’ sleep like a baby. I wanna’ sleep like my husband.”

What don’t they understand about the word ‘no’?

On a good day, you’ll be able to enjoy this as a harmless bit of parenting humor. On a bad day, it might make you want to pull out your hair. So, I guess, scroll past this one, if you’re not having a good day. lol Sometimes, I think kids’ brains process certain words differently than adult brains do. For instance, when I ask a question, and someone answers “No,” I get it. It means “negative,” “not-affirmed,” “denied,” “NOT YES.” Notice, when you say “No,” to your kids, their brains translate it as “She did not understand my question, so I should probably ask it again 100 times so that she does.”

No parent of young children thinks silence is golden

Unless you’ve confirmed (as in: have seen with your own eyes) that your children are sound asleep, silence isn’t golden. Am I right? When my kids were growing up, silence caused THE PIT in my stomach. It was like: Oh no. What are they doing? Where are they? Why-are-they-so-quiet-and-please-God-do-not-let-my-walls-be-covered-in-mustard!

Do what I say not what I do

Please leave a comment and tell me you’ve done this before, so I know I’m not the only one. I’m talking about when your kids are sooooo loud, and you’re stressed. You’re thinking, “If the loudness could just stop for one second. Just one.” Then, it happens. You snap, and you also become that which you do not want them to be. You yell, in your biggest mom voice ever: QUIIIIEEEET DOOOOWWWWN! That’s when your kids stand before you with that deer-in-the-headlight look. They glance at each other, then back at you. They wonder, “Is she okay? Should we call someone? That was really loud. Is she okay?” Ugh

Your friend is not perfect — it’s a facade

Here’s a little parenting humor from my very own past. The last six of my kids were born in seven years’ time. One day, a friend had called me who was having a rough day. I wanted to be there for her. About 20 minutes into our conversation, it seemed like she was feeling worse instead of better. She lamented that she didn’t know how I did it. There she was, everything seemingly falling apart in her household. She calls me, and it’s perfectly quiet. She feels like a failure. Her kids have been screaming and fighting all morning. Mine are likely off reading stories quietly in their rooms.

My kids are perfectly behaved, she assumed, because she could hear a pin drop in the background on my end of the phone. Let me just say that she felt a lot better when I told her that I was sitting on my pantry room floor with the door shut and my back up against it. She actually laughed when I told her that was my new plan. The old one, which used to be to go into my bedroom and lock the door behind me, failed when my kids figured out that my bedroom was on the first floor. They would sneak out the front door and crawl through my window from the porch. In short, that friend you think who does things so much better than you? It’s a facade.

The mysterious unnamed adverse health condition

I don’t know what it’s called. Not all my kids have had it, but several have, some, worse than others. If you recognize the symptoms and know what it is called, leave a comment. When it hits, it seems to take anywhere from 10 minutes to a half hour to resolve itself. Strangely, recovery time appears to be somewhat connected to whether we have had a large or simple supper. This mysterious affliction always surfaces immediately after dinner, seconds after my husband or I tell the kids it’s time to do chores.

Those who have this “condition” suddenly need to run to the bathroom. If one of them goes into the family bathroom on the main floor, another will beg my husband and me to let him or her use our private bathroom in our bedroom. The funny thing is: As soon as we (who are not afflicted) get done with dishes and sweeping and taking out the garbage, the bathroom kids bounce back and feel fine, as though nothing ever happened. Tell me, have any of your kids ever had this ailment?

Parenting humor keeps us truckin’

Parenting is wonderful — a miraculous, God-given gift. It’s also pretty ridiculously funny at times. I’ll bet you 10 to one that, if you’re a parent, you’ve wiped someone’s nose with your bare hand. How about eaten food off a floor — that has fallen out of someone’s mouth? If you’re a mom, you have no doubt relieved your bladder while a child stood in front of you eating a piece of toast or a popsicle. I cry-laughed recently, when I was reading funny parenting stories, and one said, “You know you’re a parent if you’ve brushed someone’s teeth — against his or her will.” ::insert cry laugh emoji::

What would become of us parents without levity? If we can’t chuckle once in a while and see the parenting humor in our daily life experiences, we might as well cave under pressure. Don’t cave. Laugh with us and share this post, so other parents can laugh, too.

Published by Hot Mess Press